


Whumptober 2020 - No. 19 Broken Hearts

by Jakkuor



Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Survivor Guilt, grief's a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakkuor/pseuds/Jakkuor
Series: Whumptober 2020 [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948606
Kudos: 3
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Whumptober 2020 - No. 19 Broken Hearts

Today makes a year. One year since the day your life was turned upside down and you lost everything you knew in one fell swoop. One year since you lost  _ her _ .

Grief is a fickle thing. It may have been a year, but some days it feels like it was just yesterday that you held her as she took her last breaths. Others, that awful day seems a million years away. A year is such a long time, and such a short time, all at once.

Sometime after you left home - your uncle’s manor, really - and before you stopped crying yourself to sleep every night, you became aware of a hollowness within you. It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly where it is other than everywhere, but most of the time it seems to be in your chest. There are days where it’s massive and gaping and you’re painfully aware of how empty it is, how empty  _ you  _ are. All you can do on those days is keep moving forward, drag yourself through routines until the feeling fades. Then there are times where it’s like nothing’s happened at all. You feel fine - a new sort of ‘fine’, to be exact. A year ago, your ‘fine’ might’ve been a good mood, relaxed, even happy, depending on your company. Now it’s numbness. You don’t feel a whole lot on a daily basis - except on those bad days - but it’s better than the alternative.

_ A pain in your chest so harsh it hurts to breathe. A lump in your throat you can’t swallow down. And tears, so many tears. Crying is one of the most exhausting things in the world, and you went through training to become a knight. _

You can keep it together for the most part. And when you can’t… Well, you’ve gotten pretty good at slipping back into this numb state. It’s probably not the best way to be handling things, but it’s not like you know how to. 

(How  _ are  _ you supposed to handle it, you wonder, when the love of your life has been murdered?)

Sometimes you wish it’d been you instead. It  _ should  _ have been you. You were her bodyguard. You were supposed to protect her. And now look what’s happened.

Some bodyguard you are.


End file.
